(Disclaimer: This is not me as I am now so don’t fret. But this is where I go sometimes.)

 
I sat on a bench staring across the street thinking hard thoughts about my life. Across the street people moved about their lives with purpose. Young people about my age living interesting days each different from each other and going on to live interesting lives. They moved about their days and didn’t even notice me watching.

It wasn’t all that surprising that they didn’t notice me. I am easy to overlook. I’ve got no impressive skills, no impressive job, no looks worth noticing, nothing pithy or cryptic to say. I guess I expect them not to notice me. If I was them I wouldn’t notice me either.

I would be good at their lives. Work, school, friends, I could do it. Especially the school part. That would be so great. I could do their lives well, maybe even better than they are. But then I would be them and I wouldn’t notice people like me. I wonder if I want to make that trade.

I like noticing people. People are great fun to watch and this was a prime place to be to see a variety of people. Right at the corner of two busy streets I get to see people crossing the street, which is always fun, and see people at the stoplights. Noticing people is something I’m actually good at. Like right now I’m watching this lady walk down the street toward me. She was young, pretty, pregnant and pushing a stroller. I liked watching people defer to her without even realizing they were doing so. I liked watching the confidence and grace in her step. I could tell she was going to walk right passed me so I stopped watching her before she noticed me. I glanced at my watch and saw it was about time to go home.

Home. Full of dishes, diapers and drudgery. Hooray. I glanced across the street and went back to noticing how well those lives would suit me.

I was startled out of my daydreams by a voice asking me if I knew what time it was. I looked up to see the lady standing in front of me. I managed to to stammer out the time and she looked relieved.

“Oh, good,” she said. “I’ll have some time to sit and rest a bit.”

She settled wearily onto the bench and turned the stroller so she could see its occupant. He was about two, blond and adorable. I watched them play peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake. She looked so happy and he looked so sweet.

I started thinking about home again. I thought past the dishes, diapers, and all the work. Suddenly I couldn’t sit on that bench on that corner anymore. I got up and made for home.

I’m still not sure how long it took me to get home. It was too long and quick at the same time. I fished in my pocket for my keys as I walked up the steps, but before I could get my key ready the door was yanked open from the inside. The child dived at me and wrapped his arms around my legs as far as they would go. As little feet stampeded toward me I couldn’t believe I had ever imagined I wanted a life other than this. As I staggered under the force of my welcome I felt the hard thoughts break up and fade away.

With a smile on my face I looked down at my crowd of blessings. One of them looked up at me and said with a dazzling smile, “Welcome home, Titi!”